These announcements actually appeared in church bulletins
Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help!
Thursday night potluck. Prayer and medication to follow.
Tuesday there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.
This Sunday being Easter we will ask Mrs. Lewis to please come an lay an egg on the altar.
Next Sunday we will take a collection to defray the cost of our new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet please come forward and get a paper.
A bean supper will be held Tuesday night. Music will follow.
Weight Watchers meets at 7pm on Wednesday. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
Our Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 8th and 9th.
Eight new choir robes will be needed due to the addition of new members and the deterioration of some old ones.
The scouts are collecting old newspapers and aluminum cans. The proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Senior choir invites any member of the church who enjoys sinning to join.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Thursday at 10am is the meeting for Little Mothers. All those who wish to be Little Mothers see the pastor in his office.
At the evening service tonight our sermon will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.