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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 
 
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 
 
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 
 
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a
little behind in his work. 
 
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 
 
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 
 
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 
 
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 
 
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 
 
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 
 
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 
 
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 
 
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me. 
 
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 
 
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.' 
  
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 

18. A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 
 
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 

21. A backward poet writes inverse. 
 
22. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 
 
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 
 
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!